On Attention, Lonliness and Just Being Plain Out of Sorts

I actually don't need a whole lot of attention in my regular non-Internet life.  That's just not how I function.  I'm an introvert by nature and I'm fine with this.  I'm also shy - which is not to say that being shy and being introverted go hand in hand.  They are often used together, but one is not the same as the other. 

Being introverted means that a person gets energy from being quiet, thinking and sometimes being alone.  They are drained from social interactions and oftentimes need a few days to get back to normal - for them.  Being extroverted means that a person gets their energy from other people, from interactions, from being out in the world.  Silence seems to be bad for them while silence for an introvert is lovely and soothing....at least to me it is.

Being shy, at least in my case, means having anxiety about meeting new people.  And while I may not show it (I think, I'm pretty obvious; others disagree.) I feel a great amount of pressure of having to present myself in a friendly fashion.  It's asking me to get to know you in really what could be very little time.  And I just don't function like this.  I have to digest you, your words, your actions, what you may not say, how you handle yourself, how you handle me.  This takes time. 

And time is what most people don't seem to have lately.  Everything must be instantaneous and while I love how technology is pushing us further and further, it's also taking away from us. 

But I'm digressing.  Technology's merits and disadvantages will have to be saved for another day. 

What I'm trying to say is that even though I am introverted, I do crave attention from time to time - just not vast amounts of it or I will go (slightly) insane.  What do I mean by attention?  Attention from loved ones, friends and yes, even family.  I like being acknowledged from time to time that, hey!  I'm still here, even if I'm just quietly observing what's going on, I'm still here.  Don't get me wrong, Loki lavishes attention on me when I get home from work.  We lay side by side on our bed and talk about our respective days, what we want to do for dinner and what we're going to do after dinner.  It's mundane married talk from two people obviously very comfortable with each other (Ten years is nothing to sneeze at people.  That's six being married and about four of being committed to each other.)

We enjoy our friendships outside of our relationships as well.  Most of my friends can be counted as his friends and most of his friends can be counted as my friends, but sometimes a person just needs to be with friends as yourself, not as part of a couple.  The interaction is different and of course the shared history is different.  Different topics come up and different sides of a personality come up. 

That's the attention, I think, I'm craving currently.  The unfortunate part of this is that a lot of my friends have children...which, as I understand it, leave little time for other pursuits.  It's fine.  I'm cool with it - it's just how life works sometimes. 

And without this friend attention, I get lonely.  Oh, I'm sure I could reach out to my friends and see what happens.  And really, this is what I need to do instead of whining about it...but the last several times I've done that other things have come up in either their lives or my life.  So, yeah, I'm feeling a little gun-shy currently.

Really, all this attention craving and lonliness could be just because I'm plain out of sorts.  But how do I correct being out of sorts?  I don't honestly know.  Oh, I'm not asking the universe to fix what's ailing me.  I can just damn well do that on my own.  

(I have the technology.  We can make her better! )

Anyway, sorry for being such a whiny girl.  That's what I get for not writing (consistently).  Speaking of writing....that's just going to have to be for another post. 

I promise.

In the meantime, I stumbled upon this site regarding introverts.  I love this site, it helps me feel less weird about being introverted in a world dominated by extroverts.